Mood: Hopeful and Exhausted
Week 2
Mood: Hopeful and Exhausted
I’ve always been open about my mental health and the struggles I’ve over come. From anxiety and panic attacks to bouts of depression. I don’t know why it’s been so hard to voice it this time…. Actually, I do. I was afraid people who I love would think that I wasn’t happy, or that they weren’t enough. Remember I told you about all the amazing things we’ve celebrated within the past year?
What I’ve been battling is not the same as what I’ve faced in the past. When Im honest with myself, and with you, I AM happy and peaceful yet I AM also physically anxious and depressed at times. It pisses me off.
Physical anxiety - it’s like a cold, arthritis, a sprained ankle… It’s a PHYSICAL thing your body is going though with symptoms that you can somewhat treat but don’t have total control over.
When hormone levels drop, serotonin levels also fall, which contributes to increased irritability, anxiety and sadness.
2 months ago I started HRT in hopes of helping - studies say they will probably help long term, but in the short term, as my body adjusts it’s definitely made things worse.
So I’ve had to get more intentional on finding things that work NOW.
Things that have helped:
MEDITATION- I won’t lie, this is hardest within anxiety. When you’re anxious the last thing you want to do it sit and be quiet but that’s exactly what you need to stop the momentum of the sensation.
GUT health - huge. Our guts calibrate our emotions. My new besties are probiotics, fiber and fermented foods: Hence my sourdough, keifer and kombucha obsessions.
Vitamin D3, melatonin, sunflower lectin
Trying to limit excess abrasive types of caffeine - swapped morning coffee for matcha
Cutting back on alcohol… I should take this one more seriously..but being more mindful has absolutely helped.
Keeping my mind busy with new hobbies that I enjoy. Baking, cooking, organizing, planting and reading. If you can set your mind on a physical task that sparks joy it can’t keep running down the rabbit hole of chaos.
Self care- skincare morning and night, hot baths, wearing clothes that make me FEEL good.
When you’re deep in the trenches these things seem trivial and honestly it’s hard to keep up with them because “this isn’t working. NOTHING is working”. But , finally, one day you wake up and you realize you’ve been more YOU lately, you’re moving about your space with a renewed spark (most days), you’re doings things you love but had sat aside for awhile.
Last but not least,
Talking about it all… giving it a voice. Deciding I was done being ashamed.
This week has actually been harder BECAUSE I’m feeling more myself. When the anxiety attack shows up mid day or I find myself being sad out of the blue it’s actually harder now because I REMEMBER what it feels like to feel good. I’m hopeful the good days string together more and more and all of this is another chapter in the book of me.
Anywho, how are YOU feeling lately?
Also, thanks for listening and being a part of my journey.
#themenopausemonologues