Unconventional Tips for Menopausal Weight Gain: Because Basic Tips Are for Basic B*tches
Hey hooker, feel like menopause is winning the weight gain battle? Well, no worries, because I've got your back! In this blog post, we're going to dive deep into the truth about menopause and weight gain, and give you some hilarious and no-nonsense tips on how to beat it like a boss. From embracing those new curves to trying out supplements and making small lifestyle tweaks, we've got everything you need to get that scale moving again. So grab yourself a cup of tea (or a stiff drink, if that's more your style), and let's kick menopause’s nastiest symptom, weight gain, to the curb together!
Embrace Your New Body - Every Stripe Tells a Story (and Maybe a Dirty Joke)
Let's get real - menopause is a wild ride, and our bodies are the proof. Weight gain is the cherry ontop of the crap sundae! We might not love every new curve or wrinkle, but who cares? We've earned every damn stripe, and they all tell a story (and maybe a dirty joke or two). So let's embrace our new beautiful, unique bodies and wear our stripes like a badge of honor. Hell, let's even show them off with a swimsuit, some shorts and even crop tops!
Embracing our bodies during menopause is crucial for feeling confident and sexy. Here are three tips for boosting self-confidence and embracing our new curves:
Dress for success - Don't be afraid to show off your new curves and unique body shape. Rock that swimsuit, wear those shorts, and flaunt that crop top! Dress in clothes that make you feel good and showcase your personality. Remember, confidence is key, if you dress frumpy you FEEL frumpy.
Practice self-love - Take some time each day to appreciate your body and show yourself some love. Maybe it's a hot bubble bath, a relaxing yoga class, or even just taking a few deep breaths and telling yourself you're amazing. Whatever it is, make sure you're giving yourself the love and care you deserve.
Surround yourself with positive people - Who needs negativity when you can surround yourself with humans who uplift and support you? Spend time with friends who make you feel confident and inspire you to be your best self. And if someone is bringing you down, don't be afraid to cut them off like tags off clothing. You deserve to be surrounded by people who make you feel amazing.
Decrease Cortisol and Tell Stress “Girl, BYE!” (Belly Fat, Too)
Cortisol is the stress hormone, and it's the asshole that's responsible for menopausal belly fat. It's like the obnoxious neighbor’s dog who won’t stop barking at 3 am - except this pup is in your body and won't shut the hell up. So, it's time to tell stress and cortisol to FUCK OFF. But how do we do that?
First things first, get your zen on. Meditation, deep breathing, or even a good old-fashioned scream into a pillow can help decrease cortisol levels and reduce stress. And if you're really feeling wild, try some primal screaming - your neighbors might hate you, but your cortisol levels will thank you.
Another way to decrease cortisol levels is by getting enough sleep. And we're not talking about the kind of sleep where you wake up every hour in a pool of sweat. We're talking about the kind of sleep where you wake up feeling like a badass who just got laid. So, put on some silk pajamas, turn on your humidifier, slap on that eye mask and checkout until morning.
Speaking of mornings, let's talk about coffee. We know you need that caffeine fix, but try not to drink it on an empty stomach. Drinking coffee on an empty stomach can increase cortisol levels, which is a total NOPE. Pair your coffee with a small meal which contains 20-30 grams of protein.
And last but not least, let's get some sunshine in your life. Just 30 minutes of sunshine in the morning can help decrease cortisol levels and make you feel ALIVE. And if you're really feeling sassy, do some sunbathing in the nude - your neighbors might call the cops, but your cortisol levels will be too low to care. I kid, I kid…. Unless that’s your thing.
Supplements That Will Make Your Inner Skinny Girl Say "Fuuuuuuck Yeah!" (and Your Body, Too)
If you're feeling stuck in a weight loss rut, it's time to shake things up. And the secret weapon? Supplements + a game plan. Small tweaks like adding supplements, upping your protein and water intake are essential to getting the scale moving again. So, let's talk about the supplements that will make your inner skinny girl rejoice.
Protein - Aim for at least 100 grams a day and watch the magic happen. Not only will you shed weight and kick hot flashes to the curb, but you'll also have hair, skin, and nails that will make all your friends jealous. Building lean muscle isn't just about pumping iron, it's about staying full longer, keeping your metabolism revved up, and feeling more in control of your mood. So, grab yourself some protein powder and add it to everything - your morning smoothies, your oatmeal, even your coffee (if you're feeling wild). And don't forget to toss in some probiotics for a happy gut.
Next, fiber. Aim for at least 30 grams of fiber a day to keep your digestion happy. Fiber helps keep you full, it promotes a healthy gut, and fiber acts as a prebiotic, promoting the growth of healthy bacteria in the gut. This can help improve digestion, reduce inflammation, and promote a healthy immune system. High-fiber foods can help slow down the absorption of glucose into the bloodstream, which can prevent spikes in blood sugar levels. By controlling blood sugar levels, fiber can also help reduce cravings for sugary foods, ultimately aiding in weight loss.
Third, digestive enzymes. These supplements can help you break down food and absorb nutrients more efficiently. Digestive enzymes help prevent excess calories from being stored as fat. They help with increased metabolism (even when you’re NOT working out) and cravings.
Fourth, magnesium. Magnesium can help reduce menopausal symptoms such as anxiety, irritability, and insomnia. Plus, it's a key nutrient for muscle and bone health. Aim for at least 320 milligrams per day to keep your body in top form.
Vitamin D. This essential nutrient is crucial for bone health and can help reduce inflammation in the body. Aim for at least 1,000-2,000 IU per day to keep your bones strong and your body healthy. Vitamin D also helps with anxiety and Season Affective Disorder which is coming in menopausal women.
2 1/2 Stanleys a day! Aim for at least 100 ounces of water per day to keep your body hydrated and your metabolism revved up. If you’re looking for boosted benefits try a “Skinny Anti-Aging Water”.
Alright, friend, let's wrap this shit up. Menopause may have knocked our crown off, but we're NOT going to let it win. We're going to take control of our bodies and our power. Readjust that crown!
So, let's break it down. We've talked about embracing our new bodies, decreasing cortisol and stress, and using supplements + a game plan to manage our weight and feel like the queens we are.
But here's the thing - we're not just doing this for the weight loss or the hot flashes or the mood swings. We're doing this for ourselves. We're doing this to feel strong, confident, and powerful.
We're doing this to show the world that menopause may be a bitch, but we're bigger bitches. ROAR!
GRAB YOUR FREE MENOPAUSE SURVIVAL GUIDE
If you're reading this, chances are you're a woman over 40 who's experiencing the shit show that's menopause. Let's face it, it's NEVER a picnic. Between the hot flashes that make you feel like you're in a sauna, the weight gain that seems to come out of nowhere, the gray hairs that keep popping up, and the low energy that leaves you feeling like a sloth, it can feel like our bodies are betraying us.
But don't worry, my friend, you're not alone on this wild ride. In fact, there are millions of women just like us who are navigating this new stage of life. And that's exactly why I created this ebook – to provide you with the tools and strategies you need to thrive during menopause.
Menopause may bring some tough times, but with the right tools and a bit of patience, you can navigate this new stage of life like a boss. Remember, reaching out to your healthcare provider is never a bad idea.
And don't forget to take care of yourself!
Whether it's through mindfulness, self-care, or just having a good laugh with your favorite people, making time for your well-being is essential.
So go forth, conquer those mood swings, and embrace this new chapter with confidence!
